Are you going to try for a girl?

areyourgoingtotryforagirl

I’m a nosy Nelly myself and am always curious about how people work their family size, so I’ll just come out and share where we’re at with ya!

My newest little boy is already over 6 months old.  Crazy.  Time really flies when you’re sleep deprived 😉  And my goodness am I busy.  Every moment of the day there is a need, a want, or a whine that only Mommy can soothe.  I’ve learned two things about having kids….

1.  Once you have 3, you can have 300.

2. Children are the cure for selfishness and laziness.  Unless you’re rich and have a nanny.  If that’s the case, and you’re reading my blog, send her my way.  Along with your maid.  Chop chop!!

So, here I am with 4 very young, very active little boys and already thinking about another.  I realize some will understand.  Others think I’m nuts.  Most think we’re trying for a girl.

Many of our friends from high school know that since we met, Keith and I wanted a big family.  To them, none of this baby-having is a big shock.  However, to the lady at Target, or new friends we meet, I often wonder if they want to know if we’re just trying to have a girl.

No.

We hope to have another baby…and no, we will not ‘keep going until we get a girl’.  We’re not sure how many children we’ll have, but we do pray about each one and kinda take the advice that God puts on our hearts.

Do you want a girl?

Yes.  And no.  I think I want one more out of curiosity.  I’d love the boys to have a sister to add a softer side to the family, especially once Keith and I have gone off to Heaven.  Sometimes I do feel a bit ‘left out’ when most friends have at least one of each just out of pure ‘grass is greener syndrome’.  And then there’s the ‘not wanting to disappointment anyone’ factor.  I’m a people-pleaser and I know a girl after several boys would be very exciting for everyone.

However, when Ava Grew a Wiener, the Lord kinda stripped me of my expectations for my family.  I know He is going to give me what we need.  My husband has always felt this way, it took me a while to get there.

After our 3rd son, Hudson was born, I really was shocked at the tinge of disappointment I felt.  After his birth, I did a lot of soul searching with the Lord and came to a peace about never having a daughter.  I still have moments where I want what someone else has, but for the most part, I adore my boys and would take a few more!

That’s our story.  If you struggle with gender disappointment, or just want to chime in with your experiences, leave a comment!!! I’d love to hear from ya 🙂

 

Comments

  1. I totally feel where you are coming from! I’m a mom of four small boys myself, with people constantly asking will I have another one and try for a girl. The fact of the matter is I’m no longer able to have kids, after my last pregnancy was ectopic and led to me having inflamed tubes. Which had to be taken out.

    There was the whole period where I had to come to terms with and still to this day I get sad sometimes and wonder what if. However, I have four beautiful blessings from God. That’s all that matters.

    I remember with my last child, my sister in law became pregnant with the girl, all my family has one of each too. I would just break out into tears about.

    Seriously I did……lol

    However, I wouldn’t have any other way.

    They do keep us busy…..luv them!

    • I do that too! You’re not crazy! I’m so sorry to hear about your eptopic 🙁 That must be so hard. I pray the peace of our Lord helps you in those tough moments. I so appreciate you sharing your story!

  2. After my 3rd son, I came to a peace with never having a daughter. I assumed I would be a boy-mom and I was totally okay with that- it’s what I knew, it’s what I was comfortable with. So boy #4 was no surprise. But baby #5 was a surprise, and so was the fact that we were having a daughter. I know the general consensus among people who meet us is that we “finally got our girl” or we kept trying until we did…I try to not let that bother me. But I love what my daughter has added to our family. I love the fierceness with which she loves her brothers, and they her. And I thought my boys were full of energy, but that girl runs me ragged it a completely different way.

  3. Bridget Fouts says:

    You go girl! Boys are great too! And yes, God’s plan is perfect…even if it takes a while for us to get on board with it. We’ll all look back in life, and see how perfect things really were. It’s all about our mentality. I miss you guys!!!

  4. I loved your post!! Probably because it is exactly where I am in life. I just had my 4th boy 7 months ago! People ask me the same questions. I have a strong desire to have that mother-daughter relationship that many of my friends have and would be Lying if I said I don’t tear up when I hear about someone else having a girl…(I know this is wrong 🙁 ) however WHEN we have our next lil one my prayer will continue to be for a healthy baby! Boy or girl we will be blessed!!

  5. I only have two girls but I feel the same as you. Their father has almost said no more in fear of another girl and I would like a boy and I am hoping we can have one more and God blesses us with a boy. It was sadness when I found out it was another girl but now as I see them play and be sisters I love that I had two girls. I now know God has a plan for us moms and some of us are meant to have girls or boys or both.

  6. I’m on the other side of things. We have four girls ages 5, 4 and twin 15 month olds, and we are hoping to be expecting another little one soon. We would love to have a boy, but are having more children because we feel the Lord calling us to :0). I had a hard time with everyone “praying that we would have boys” while we were pregnant with the twins. I felt like I had disappointed them when we found out we were having girls. I was thrilled to add a couple more little ladies to our family! People do think we are going to keep trying for a boy, even if it means having so many girls that we get our own reality show ;0). Our biggest prayer is that our little ones are healthy. God is in control! :0)

  7. Jessica Martin says:

    I just had my 5th boy in December 2012. “WOW! THAT IS SOO MANY BOYS! I bet you want a girl or are you done?” – I get the privileged of hearing this almost every time we leave the house! ( I think its funny when they say it and I only have 3 boys with me and I get to say their 2 brothers are at home and watch the face turn to pure panic). My oldest was five and a half when the baby was born so my boys are closer than many people have theirs as well. Oh, the comments and looks are hard some days, but I just can’t see where a “sister” could fit in any of their places!
    My husband made a joke when we were engaged “You can have 6 boys before a girl. Girls are scary and need LOTS of protection.” One particular day I was having a tough day and I told a lady who was very concerned about my family size and it being male dominate that I was not allowed a girl until #7. She responded with “you mean your husband won’t LET you have a girl! Isn’t that harsh of him” I gave her a blank look and wanted to yell “NEWS FLASH I CANNOT CONTROL THE GENDER NOR CAN MY HUSBAND!” But instead I laughed and said its a joke we love whatever God decides is right for our family.
    We also get comments about what do you drive? If you have more kids what type of vehicle do you get a bus? Yes, I’m a busy mom but its worth every minute of insanity for the hugs and wonderful love filled adventures! Well, I better go, since we aren’t “finished” having children yet I better go study up for my bus drivers test 😉

  8. Love this and ditto…. Except for the Ava story. 😉
    We have 4 lil’ guys 1-6yrs and baby #5 is due I’m Sept. We didn’t find out the gender, for a couple reasons but one, I love telling people when I they ask, “is this one finally a girl?!?!!” “We didn’t find out and it doesn’t really matter bc God knows exactly who our family needs and I would never want to even try to change His plan. Besides, which of my sons would I now change for a daughter, none.” 🙂
    Also, I didn’t want to find out it was another boy and tell people when they asked, only to have them tell me they are sorry I’m having another son. Obviously many people do not realize, children are a blessing from The Lord and we do not need both genders to make our family complete. I never want to hear an “I’m sorry” bc the child I’m carrying isn’t the gender you think our family needs.
    I’m excited for Sept to get here & to find out who this little person is. Another son or a “finally” (lol) a daughter, it doesn’t matter to us. I’m so blessed to be carrying another child and honored to have the great privilege of mothering the children God has place in our family. 🙂

  9. I love this post! I’m not a mom yet or even close to trying to have a baby, but I love that you decided to talk about this topic. I honestly think it’s really silly that people ask “Are you trying for a (whatever gender you adon’t have)?” In a way, they’re asking “Are you trying to have another baby in hopes that it’s ‘what you really want?'” As if a baby, no matter the gender is not what you want!

    Clearly, I see the longing for many people to want a certain gender. But the thought of actually trying to keep having kids in hopes that it’s the other gender seems really selfish to me. I certainly wouldnt’ want to keep having kids to “get what I want.”

  10. LOVE this! Thank you for posting. My husband & I prayed for 3years for a child of our own. I often prayed Hannah’s prayer & challenged…if you will…The Lord & would beg Him to bless my womb the way He had Rebecca, Sara & Hannah. At some point I began to humble myself to Him & began praying that if we weren’t able to conceive a child, for Him to please make a way for us to have a child. A child….A child…”A” being the key word. in April of 2012 HE ANSWERED!!! The Lord had indeed heard my cries, our prayers & was faithful….just like His word says. He gave us TWO sons, biological brothers…they are 17mos & 3yrs now!!! We are on the tail end of adoption…should be final by summer’s end!!! We are beyond grateful & blessed….and YES….we want more!!! Maybe a girl (more so for me) but definitely more children….we’ll leave the gender & genetics up to God

  11. Love this..I would of loved a big family myself. But after having two c-sections I know at most I could have another and then that would be it for me. Also, there is the age factor..already our little girl (15 months) has taken a lot out of us old folks 🙂

    But that aside, I know the Lord told me to expect another boy..as to when that will happen only time will tell! The family on both sides kind of frown at large families, unless you have heaps of money *wink* which we don’t have..yet! (I live in hope) 🙂

    All I can say is God is forever Good! And our children are truly a blessing. The ultimate submission is submitting to God in this area of family size. Which most do not understand..

    • I have 3 daughters and am in the opposite boat. I know that if we don’t have a son my husbands name ends with him. So there’s something primal there, I think. I love my girls, I thank God everyday for them. But I had a nephew before ever having any of my own and I know that a little boy just loves differently!

    • I totally agree! Well said!

    • Just wanted to share that you can have as many csections as your body/dr/God allows 🙂

      I just recently had my fourth & if God willing will have more biological babies. I’ve net women who’ve had anywhere from 5-9!!!! So don’t count yourself out!

  12. Everything you said here is EXACTLY our situation!! I am about to have our fourth boy in a few weeks and I always get those SAME questions…were you trying for a girl? are you going to keep trying for a girl? (I can’t even tell you how many times people have given me “tips” on how to have a girl.) Or they tell me I’m destined to have all boys or there must be some “divine” punishment going on. The fact is, we gave our child-bearing situation to God from the very beginning and are just going to “keep going” to have as many children as God wants us to have, not to have one gender or another. Although I do believe we are promised a girl at some point (my husband got a word several years ago), I’m willing to wait through however many children that takes! Each one of my boys has been a tremendous blessing (especially since there was a time when I thought I’d never have children at all) and I thank God every day for each one of them and the special gifts and talents He’s placed in each of them. What a joy parenthood is no matter what you have! 😀

    • Congrats on your new baby boy! That’s awesome! My husband always said our 5th would be a girl. I curious to see! He’s been wrong 4/4 times! LOL! I get the questions SO much too. I literally want to make a T-shirt that says…yes, I have 4 boys, no we’re not trying for a girl, and yes, my hands are full!

  13. I have two precious, busy little boys, ages 3 and 5. I wanted a third baby so badly, and prayed hard for a little girl. But instead of getting pregnant, I became quite ill with a rare auto-immune kidney disease, and a round of chemotherapy caused my ovaries to fail. I’ve a had a period of “grieving” for the baby-that-never-was, though I AM thankful to be healthy again! What I have learned in the past several months is to embrace and enjoy the two sons that God has given me, and though I am now in menopause (at age 36!) I still pray for a daughter some day…I’ve always had a heart for adoption! My husband very wisely wants me to get completely well and back on track before we endeavor anything new like adoption! Instead I am going to homeschool our boys this year and I am incredibly excited and blessed about that!

    • I am so sorry to hear that Kimberly! I will def. be praying for your health and that there are children in your future through adoption. So exciting to hear you’ll be starting the homeschooling journey! IT’ll keep you busy, for sure!

  14. Christie says:

    Good for you for being so content with the children God has sent to you! When i was expecting baby#1, I had high hopes of having a boy, but knew in my heart that she was going to be a girl, and she was! The moment I held her it didn’t matter that I had always hoped to have a boy first. Baby#2 was also a girl, and then when we were expecting #3 I was sure that it was a girl as well….so sure that it took me a bit longer to bond with my son (as in maybe 24 hours, as opposed to instantly! haha) because I was expecting a daughter named Ava Joy. We could have had an ultra sound, but I do like to be surprised. Then, of course, started all the comments “oh, you had your boy, you must be done now.” We were done because we’d always said we wanted three children, but it had nothing to do with gender. My only regret now is that we didn’t have four! If I could go back in time I’d totally have four, but ours are 6 1/2, 4 1/2, and 3 1/2, we didn’t want big gaps between our kids. In hindsight though, I don’t think four would have been much harder (if at all!) than three, maybe I’m naive, I’m sure some of you moms of four might beg to differ….

  15. I enjoyed reading all of your stories above and could feel the love and devotion to your children. I’m coming from a different perspective. I was blessed with a baby girl 4 years ago. I got married at 39, and had her at 40. We tried for a second over these past 3 years, and honestly, it did not matter what gender, because I was praying for a sibling for our daughter so she could have a brother or sister to lean on in life as adults. At 44, my chances of conceiving are slim to none, and am now comfortable with being a mommy to an only child. I do think at times, when I see a toddler and a pregnant mommy with a second child…that could have been me. God does give you what you can handle, and I’m blessed to have my sweet baby girl. I have friends who were not blessed with having a baby, so I cannot complain. All the best in your wishes. Lynn

  16. I enjoy reading all your stories, it reminds me of how hectic, and happy my family is.
    I have followed Your blog, and it would be equally awesome if you followed mine in return

  17. I have seven girls, and our eighth was a boy who died in utero. No, we weren’t trying for a boy, but yes, we wish he had lived! I hate that question with a vengeance. I can handle a lot of rude questions while pregnant and they won’t phase me at all, but that “trying for a boy” really gets me.

  18. I too have 4 boys and would love another baby. I was quite certain that I had to have a girl and that was all I wanted ( or so I thought.). After finding out that # 4 was a boy, there was on overwhelming sense of RELIEF that washed over me. It took me by surprise . I do sometime still long for a little girl when I pass the tiny bows and ribbons at a store, but I think I was meant to be a boy mom.

  19. We are pregnant with #5, hubby is positive it is a girl because we have had four. Would I love a boy to carry on the name, yes. But healthy is all I care about. 🙂

  20. Yep, 4 small boys here! And we are Catholic to boot, so it is almost assumed that we will keep trying for that girl. I do long for one, but I will not be actively trying for any more babies until I can graciously accept another boy. I do not want to feel any resentment toward more boys. And with the newest being only 3 months old, I have already thought about how it would be okay if I had more. Then 3 different children wake me up in the middle of the night and I remind myself that God really is not calling me to have any more anytime soon.

  21. Jennifer Sewell says:

    We have 3 children ages 10, 8, and 6. 2 girls and boy in the middle. We tried for years for another but God said “No.” We moved to Brazil for my husbands job in March of this year after much prayer. Within 6 weeks I became pregnant. Although I was sad at first because I had come to grips with being done we are happy now. We also found out last week this child is a boy. We are over the moon excited as our family will be evenly split. Both my husband and I are “only’s” in our family.

  22. I always got the same questions and looks, drove me crazy! I have 3 boys and a 3 year old daughter. I always wanted to have a girl. My sister has 5 girls. (no boys) When we go out and about people will always look at us and say things like “Oh you finally got your girl” as if the boys aren’t important and I was just trying to have a girl. I really wish they wouldn’t say things like that in front of my kids, (or at all) you never know how a kid will take something. I would have been happy with another boy. Well let me tell you this girl is a very large handful! Love her to pieces but she is sooo unlike any of my boys! Different temperament, demands, EVERYTHING is different! If I was to have another I personally would want another boy 🙂 Like I said I love my daughter, would not trade her for the world. But I do know what you mean, and everyone has to put in their two cents 😉

  23. I’m pregnant with my third girl. And with my first two, I was happy to have two girls 17 months apart because I had always wanted a sister. And I’m not going to lie, before my gender ultrasound I said I would be excited for either one because three girls three years apart they would for sure be best friends. Then I found out it was a girl I couldn’t hold back the tears from welling up in my eyes. It was like I mourned the loss of a son I would never get to parent. My husband wants to try for another boy, but part of me says I’m 28 year old and it’s time for me to start thinking about getting some independence from my children and I’m really looking forward to not being in such high demand. In specific, my arms and boobs.

  24. Four boys here too! I’m happy with all boys–easier when they are all one gender, I think. I would love a girl but I’m not disappointed without one either 🙂

  25. I love to share about my friends who had 6 girls in a row before having a boy. They are now expecting their 3rd boy any day now. : ] God gives you exactly what your family needs.

  26. Mommy of 4 girls here…I couldn’t agree with you more. We are fellow gender streaking pilgrim mommas!

  27. Boys are AWESOME! I loved having an all boy family for so many years. We had 6 boys before my husband and I had a girl and I burst into tears the night I washed the first pink outfit I bought for my own baby. My little Clara will be 2 in the fall and her little sister is 6 months and I still cry sometimes at the joy of having my precious little girls to balance out the boy-ness in our home a little. I always knew I wanted a girl, but I didn’t realize how badly I needed a girl. I had just gotten use to having an all boy family. It was wonderful and crazy and my house was filled with brightly colored lego landmines. Now we have pink and doll sized chairs and baby bottles to add the madness. I love it!

  28. You described my feelings! I am a mom to four boys ages 2 to 11. I thought with 2 and 3 that I wanted a girl but was actually relieved when they were boys. With 4th I just expected another boy. Occasionally when I see my friends taking their daughters for pedicures or picking out dresses I think I want that experience. I am hoping and praying for amazing daughter-n-laws one day to do girly things with… And maybe a granddaughter or two. 🙂

  29. Jessica Rockwell says:

    We have all boys ages 9,6,4 and 3! I would love to have a girl but I that only became a want once I had a 3rd boy so honestly I have struggled with no knowing if I truly want one or if I just want one because I don’t have one haha I think a daughter would be fun but I always wanted boys so it’s no surprise that that is what I received 🙂

  30. mother of three says:

    I was so sad that our third and final baby was a boy. I found out during my ultra sound with the last baby so I wouldn’t feel that twinge of sadness at birth like I did with my 2nd and I would have moths to talk myself into the positives of three boys– less money spent on clothes and shoes, less drama, etc. Now they’re 5, 7, &9 and I thank God that he didn’t give me that girl I always wanted more than anything. I have many nieces whom I love to death but don’t think I could deal on a daily basis with the attitude, drama and glitter all around. I love my active, crazy boys (and while I’m sure I would have loved my little frilly girly girl), I kind of like being the only girl in our house. As my boys always tell me I’m the cutie, beauty and lady of the house. But yeah, we heard all the ?’s for years!! It’s busy but it’s fun!

  31. I’m so glad I found this blog when I did. I have gotten those questions so many times. It’s really annoying. And sadly instead of excitement, I was feeling nervous before getting our ultrasound because I just knew that everyone was waiting to hear ITS A GIRL, myself included. Well today we found out we’re expecting our 4th son, my oldest was in tears because he has been wanting a sister, it broke my heart. I’m a little disappointed as well, because I know this is it for us and in my heart I’ve always longed for a girl. I have a lot praying to do and come to terms with the fact that I will not be having any daughters. I feel like I’m mourning 🙁
    I love my boys, I am thankful for them, I just wanted another girl in this family besides myself.
    Phew, feels good getting this out.

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