I’m Liz. And, when it comes to motherhood, I’m rough around the edges. I’m not sure if I like this.
Last night while researching homeschool curriculum with my husband, I ran across a blog of a mom who talked about her children’s hearts. I don’t even remember what blog I was at now, but it was very clear to me I wasn’t like this mom.
I then, asked my husband…am I a gentle mother? He responded….”uhh…(he kinda had that deer stuck in headlights look)…no.”
My heart sunk. I try to justify it. Perhaps it’s because I have four boys? I am a very ‘get up and rub some dirt on it’ kinda mom when it comes to certain things because they are boys.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too hard on them. I expect too much at their young ages. I’m firm with my voice when I tell them what to do.
I know I yell too much. No one has to tell me that. Heck, and I’ve improved in that department. That is something tangible, in a sense, I can work on…
But…tenderness? I feel like I’d almost have to reinvent myself in order to be the mom I’d like to be. Of course, I know a transition like that is doable. I already transitioned from a public schooler to a homeschooler. Not over night, but it has happened, slowly. And of course, with God, anything is possible. Even a total transformation of one’s self.
I guess at this point, I don’t know what my kids need. I feel like they need something different, but I’m not sure what. This is one of the most difficult things about homeschooling to me. I KNOW my kids so well. I’m WITH them all the time. Therefore, I analyze myself and my actions to be a better mother. It’s a beautiful thing, but man is it emotionally exhausting! LOL!
I mean….I’m a good mom. We laugh. We play. I teach. I praise. I KNOW I’m not a ‘bad’ mom…just rough around the edges. Does this make any sense? You smell what I’m cookin’?
I guess the truth is…and this is a HARD truth. What I see in my kids that I do not like, is only a reflection of what they’ve learned from my husband and myself. Things have to change.
I’m researching and buying lots of Christian centered parenting books to help me ‘get’ where I want to be. My husband has come to this amazing place in parenting and I’m SO not there. And honestly, I don’t even know where that ‘place’ is. So, if you’re rough around the edges, and you need some sanding, won’t you join me? I’ll Keep you all posted!