For the Rough Around the Edges Mommy….

stop-yelling-at-kids

 

I’m Liz.  And, when it comes to motherhood, I’m rough around the edges.  I’m not sure if I like this.

Last night while researching homeschool curriculum with my husband, I ran across a blog of a mom who talked about her children’s hearts.  I don’t even remember what blog I was at now, but it was very clear to me I wasn’t like this mom.

I then, asked my husband…am I a gentle mother?  He responded….”uhh…(he kinda had that deer stuck in headlights look)…no.”

My heart sunk.  I try to justify it.  Perhaps it’s because I have four boys?  I am a very ‘get up and rub some dirt on it’ kinda mom when it comes to certain things because they are boys.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too hard on them.  I expect too much at their young ages.  I’m firm with my voice when I tell them what to do.

I know I yell too much.  No one has to tell me that.  Heck, and I’ve improved in that department.  That is something tangible, in a sense, I can work on…

But…tenderness?  I feel like I’d almost have to reinvent myself in order to be the mom I’d like to be.  Of course, I know a transition like that is doable.  I already transitioned from a public schooler to a homeschooler.  Not over night, but it has happened, slowly.  And of course, with God, anything is possible.  Even a total transformation of one’s self.

I guess at this point, I don’t know what my kids need.  I feel like they need something different, but I’m not sure what.  This is one of the most difficult things about homeschooling to me.  I KNOW my kids so well. I’m WITH them all the time.  Therefore, I analyze myself and my actions to be a better mother.  It’s a beautiful thing, but man is it emotionally exhausting!  LOL!

I mean….I’m a good mom.  We laugh.  We play.  I teach.  I praise.  I KNOW I’m not a ‘bad’ mom…just rough around the edges.  Does this make any sense?  You smell what I’m cookin’?

I guess the truth is…and this is a HARD truth.   What I see in my kids that I do not like, is only a reflection of what they’ve learned from my husband and myself.  Things have to change.

I’m researching and buying lots of Christian centered parenting books to help me ‘get’ where I want to be.  My husband has come to this amazing place in parenting and I’m SO not there.  And honestly, I don’t even know where that ‘place’ is.  So, if you’re rough around the edges, and you need some sanding, won’t you join me?  I’ll Keep you all posted!

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Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing this Liz.I have been where you are.My husband is at times still there.And having a large family means sometimes you need to employ the stern vocals in order to get the kids to listen,so screaming etc.I understand!When my eldest started talking to her siblings in a way that shocked me,I realized something.”She sounds like me!” And that frightened me.She was my reflection.All the hard work of mothering to raise good children is lost if we do not employ good values,such as the words we speak and how we speak them.It has been 6 months since I decided we had to do something.It was time for a change.6 months on,and my 4 are in better places.My almost 3 year old son is better at using his words to voice what he wants as apposed to whinging or crying.And they are not physical with one enough anymore.I spend a lot of nights up late researching,reading blogs and sometimes just sitting in frustration,but it is so worth it!You can do this Liz.Your a wonderful mother who is ‘trying’ so your basically half way there.xx Jess

  2. The same God that hides gems in stone, grime and mud is the same God that gives us the ability to see the potential and gives us the tools to bring out their beauty. All he asks if for us to follow Him. You got this, and remember, when everyone else sees a rock, God KNOWS there’s a diamond waiting to sparkle. God Bless, and know that you aren’t alone. 🙂

  3. I’m so with you on this one ladies! I’ve just picked up two AMAZING books that have grounded me and given me a gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) wake up call. I’m definitely rough around the edges. Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and Sacred Parenting by Gary L Thomas are the resources I would HIGHLY recommend. 🙂

  4. Oh man, yes I am there. Let’s start a support group! 🙂 Seriously you will be in my prayers. I completely understand what you are saying. I have told people many times one of the things that shocked me the most of homeschooling was the work of dealing with myself as I watched myself in a mirror form of my four kids running around. Exhausting? Agreed! I am sitting on the couch tonight watching the biggest loser finale! 🙂 lol. Love you!

    • Oh Praise Jesus, Darcy. I am SO thankful for you. No offense, but Pastor’s wife=nice, calm, biblical mommy :/ I know, I know, not cool for me to assume! I’m just glad people can relate!!! I feel so yucky, and even though I try every day, I feel like I stumble over and over. Yell over and over. Ugh. Support group started! “Hi, My name is Liz and I stink at mothering….” {everyone…} “HIIIII Liz!”

  5. My personality was made for raising boys. I have four and my daughter noticed at the age of six that we were little alike. But you know, instead of fretting over it, I have prayed that I will recognize moments. I read about the five love languages and employ that instead of major personal overhaul 😉 If my kids ask me if I love them, they need affirmation. If they want to wrestle with me, they need to be touched.

    I get it, trust me. I am a first born, type-A, strong willed person. I have been told over and over that “I never thought you should be a mother”. If it is just some filing off rough edges, don’t be too hard on yourself. If its a sin issue, patience and prayer and time.

  6. Hi Liz, I think most of us have been there at some point. I have been working through this very thing myself right now. I hate yelling or pushing too hard at a lesson. Later I remember my girls are only going to small for a few years. I need to cuddle and read more and leave the structured lessons for a while to enjoy them more. I liked “Hope for the Weary Mom”. It was a helpful book and web study.

  7. I’m so glad to see this post and the comments and know I’m not the only one. Sometimes I feel like a phsyco-mom because I yell too much. My little girl is SO full of energy and stubborn and strong-willed, and add a 5 month old to the mix…I feel like an awful example when I keep lose patience. Definitely going to be looking into that book

    • Thank YOU Heather!!!!! I always get so nervous putting things out there because I think, “They’ll think I’m a AWFUL mother”…or “What is she thinking having more?!” So, you’re TOTALLY not alone! Stick around for the journey!

  8. I am so with ya. I was that tender person the first 3 years of my sons life. I dont know when I got so harsh and ugly. I know my son is challenging but the worst part is he is totally me when I was a kid and probably me now. Scary thot.. ALL I want to do in life is be a good mom and have a great relationship with my son. I really feel like most days I dont speak boy, I dont get it.. Ive read soo many books. Let me know if ya find a great one. Ill be watching.. Big Hug!

  9. Hi Liz! Aren’t we all just a wee bit rough around the edges? It’s that beautiful thing that makes us human and in need of grace and a savior! Thank you, Jesus, for not making me perfect cause I don’t think I could handle perfection! I am a yeller. And I’ve got three girls who LOVE to show me what I sound like by yelling in the same manner to each other. My sin is so reflected back to me on a daily basis and my heart breaks because of it. Something that really hit home for me as a mom was when I watched an interview with Elyse Fitzgerald and Paul Tripp about parenting. They both talked about how we can’t be God to our kids because we aren’t God. We are sinners parenting sinners. How beautiful is that?! That means that we can sit down beside our kids and say, “I get it. It’s so hard to respond in kindness when our frustration is bubbling up inside and it feels like no one hears us. It is not easy to obey and this is how I struggle too.” We can show our kids the grace we ourselves have experienced from God. We can get down at their level and have a “come along side” mentality instead of a rules based mentality. We can equip them with the tools we are learning to use to help us know God more deeply and to come to Him to fight our battle against sin with us. I love that! I don’t have the link to that interview but I’m sure you can find it by searching their names on a search engine. We are all in this parenting war together! 😉

    • Thank you Robin!!! I totally love how you put it! I def. feel like I have to draw closer to God in order to make this happen. I’m so glad I’m at war with people like you 🙂 Thank you for stopping by my blog!

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