It Feels Like the First Time…

I cannot believe this is our fourth baby!  Wow.  One reason, of course, as most of you know, is because time just flies once you have kids.  However, for me, this pregnancy and baby symbolize such a different time in our marriage and financial life….

My husband and I got married YOUNG.  Well, I had JUST turned 20 about a month before our wedding.  I couldn’t even legally drink on our honeymoon (although I hate alcohol…).  My husband was 24.  Still pretty young for a guy.  Just a year after our marriage my mom’s breast cancer that had been in remission for nearly 15 years, returned, with a vengeance.  This put me in complete panic mode and I felt so rushed to have a child that my mom could meet.  I put my husband under the fire for us to get pregnant.

Our first son’s nursery…

**Wait….I just asked my husband while writing this and he said he didn’t feel pressured…but he also said deciding to have the first kid is always scary and you kinda have to be ‘pushed’.  So, YAY for me…not as pushy of a wife as I thought 🙂  LOL

Anyway.  We got pregnant the month before my mom passed, but I miscarried about 2 weeks after she died.  We were pregnant again just the next month with our first son, Noah.

Here’s a really quick list of the ‘stuff’ happening while we were pregnant with Noah and the first year of his life:

  • We moved in with my dad after Mom died because we had our home up for sale while Mom was sick.  My morning sickness kicked in while living with him, driving 1 hour to work daily, vomitting on myself, nervous about miscarring, etc.
  • Severely mourning my best friend, my mother.  Trying to find my way (at just 21) in a world without her.  Figuring out how to enjoy this pregnancy when everyone around me was shopping with their mom for their own babies.
  • My husband lost his job.
  • Moved out of my dad’s house into a house (THAT WE COULDN’T AFFORD) closer to our jobs. (My husband did find a new job.)
  • Lastly, and looking back, one of the BIGGEST stresses was that we were DROWNING in debt.  Read more about that HERE, HERE, and HERE.

Our first’s Baptism

I had lots of showers that family and friends threw for us.  Everyone was so supportive and loving and thrilled about a new baby in the family–but for me.  I was so LOST.  I thought if we had enough showers and STUFF, I’d be prepared.  However, there was so much turmoil and mourning under the surface that the CEO of Babies ‘R Us couldn’t calm my nerves.

You can read about the transition from our debt free life up to the birth of our second son HERE, HERE, and HERE.

Now, with our second son we were out of debt, I was staying at home, and life was much more calm compared with our first.  However, here’s a few tidbits regarding his pregnancy and first year of life:

  • I got Fifth’s Disease early in pregnancy from the kiddos at school before I started staying at home and if you’ve had babies, you know this is serious.  Insert stressy Liz here.
  • I found a lump in my neck and throughout the pregnancy, I had to be monitored because an oncologist thought it could be lymphoma.  Got panic attacks?  I did.  Holy Cow.  Scariest thing ever.  Through a series of tests and appointments, I DID not have lymphoma, but my pregnancy was still very stressed.
  • My husband went back to school, which basically made me a single mom for 2 years.
  • My son was first a ‘daughter’ via ultrasound, then later found to be a boy.  Read that story HERE.

The day we found out our daughter was a son…

So, not nearly as stressful as my first pregnancy, but the whole cancer thing really wigged me out.  Brody was born about 2 pounds smaller than my first son.  I will always wonder if stress was a factor in that…..

On to Hudson, our third little boy.  Well….let me back up.

Brody was SUCH a good baby and since I was now a stay-at-home-mom, we decided to start trying to get pregnant when he was just 6 months old.  We succeeded quickly, but miscarried when I was just 6 weeks along.  I got pregnant quickly after that miscarriage and made it to nearly 12 weeks, but the baby never had a heartbeat and the tissues inside me just grew and grew.  That ended in a D&C.  Three months later, we were pregnant with our third son, Hudson.

Our second son’s ‘nursery’. LOL. AKA a corner in our bedroom!

Hudson’s pregnancy was good.  Healthy.  His gender was a surprise, like this one, which was fun.  My husband was still in school during the pregnancy, which was crazy, but doable.

However, the salary we were living on since my starting to stay at home was (and we knew this) not sustainable for a growing family.  That’s why my husband was in school.

Family photos…also the day I found out we were expecting Hudson (our 3rd!)

And ON THE DAY MY SON WAS BORN….we received a WONDERFUL blessing (besides his birth!)…a job promotion for my husband.  We also learned that’s we’d be moved about 300 miles away in just 10 weeks.  So, baby blues in tow, sore nipples, and a stressed husband, a 4 day stint in the hospital with an RSV stricken 8 week old right before our move….we did it!

Again, nothing like pregnancies 1 or 2, but still kinda nuts.  Which, seems to be the way my hubby and I roll.

A snapshot my husband took of a sleep deprived wife whose husband is in school 4 days a week. Those first months are tough, eh?

So, with this pregnancy.  I feel like things are going the way I would have *wanted* them with my first baby.  Financially prepared.  Settled (at least for now).  We don’t think we’ll move for at least another year, if even then.  I’m now a confidant mom and have been through a myriad of illness, potty training, teaching, training, boo boo fixing, swaddling sessions, homemade baby food maker, breastfeeding warrior, can pull several all-nighters and still flip a grilled cheese kinda mom.

I still mourn my mother daily, but her recipes, smile, and memories outweigh that last horrid year of cancer now.  I know she’s with me.  My faith in God has grown with each child I’ve birthed.  My husband is more confidant as a father and provider now as well.

My 3rd in the hospital with RSV and one of his Godmothers. Just two weeks before our big move…

We are financially more stable, not perfect, of course, but in a place that we’re comfortable with. I’ve got a baby sitter set up for when I go into labor and we’re ahead in our homeschooling endeavors so that I can take it easy when the baby comes home.

The only odd thing this time….WE ARE NOT PREPARED!  LOL.  Isn’t that ironic?  I know all I need is a swaddle blanket, a boppy, some newborn and size one diapers, and my boobs.  Done.  Ha!  My husband took the dusty pack n play out of the attack this weekend to set up and I washed the onesies that were in storage too.  We have the car seat ready to go, but not yet in the car.  I think back to ALL that stuff we prepared for baby number one…..but what I really NEEDED was 6 years of motherhood to make me feel more prepared.  Isn’t that ironic?  Hindsight is 20/20, it’s true.

Moving day!

So, it is with great joy and anticipation I await this new child.  Boy or girl.  My older children are SO excited as well.  There is an excitement in the house that can be felt.

Praise God for all the learning and living he has bestowed on me and my husband over the last 8 years of marriage.  From all those hardships, we’ve come out stronger and more joyful.

This Baby!!!!

 

Revelation 3:21
“To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.”Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”Isaiah 41:10
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”James 1:12-15
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”Philippians 4:13
“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
James 1:2-4
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Comments

  1. So glad everything is going well! I feel the same way… next time, Lord willing, I’d just make a baby corner in our room. LOL 🙂 Miss you as always!

  2. You are a blessed and strong woman to be admired. Phoenix technically being my third pregnancy, surgeries, being sick and trouble with our finances as well. We hold on tight to each other and are thankful for those big brown eyes that greet us every morning. Did, I mention those brown eyes, although his crib is in our room, insists on sleeping in OUR bed.
    We are stronger and more determined to give our family what it needs as we make it through our trials.
    Knowing we are not alone gives comfort each day means and is worth something.

    • Elizabeth says:

      Jenna you are too sweet!!! I didn’t know you had pregnancy losses! I’m so sorry. It sucks to go through that. I’m thankful you can relate to all these emotions. We really can enjoy the present more when we’ve gone through rough times, though? It’s true. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it :)))

  3. Oh Liz, I loved reading this!! The pictures of your “mom progression” are fantastic. I love the “get out of my face” pic. 😀

    Thank you for sharing your ups and downs here!

  4. Wow. I sure loved this post and I love that you are going to have another baby with a heap less stress. My fourth was so easy. I hope you are as blessed! I am really enjoying your blog, Elizabeth. So glad you found mine or I wouldn’t be reading.

  5. Sara Derksen says:

    I have really enjoyed reading your blog tonight! Your journey is inspiring to me! Thanks for sharing about your ups and downs whether it be with your finances, faith, miscarriages or parenting.

  6. My husband and I have been together 8 years married 7 and we have 4 kids also.We have just in the past 3 years been financially sorted and before that we were in a rough place,surviving from week to week.We feel so blessed to be in the position we are now,that we have our largish healthy family and I can be a full time mother to my children.I know what you mean about only needing 6 years of motherhood under your belt to feel prepared for baby number 4!We had to buy up though with number 4 as he was the only boy after 3 big sisters 🙂 I hope your feeling great,are getting some rest and the boys are well.xx

    • Elizabeth says:

      Thanks Jessi! I am feeling really great—but at night after a long day I do feel huge and just…well….HUGE! LOL! It’s SOOO true that all those years of motherhood are the ONLY things that can trully prepare you for…MOTHERHOOD! So ironic! I’m so glad you can related to this post!!!

  7. I stumbled across your blog, and I was immediately drawn in because our families are similar: I also have 4 kids, ages 6, 4, 2, and a baby. My youngest is now 5 months old, and I can tell you it was a seamless transition. Once you get to #4, you just know what you’re doing!

  8. Wow! What a story! How inspiring and strong you are! I love how you share your experiences with the world. I too struggled both emotionally and physically with my first pregnancy (none others thus far) and completely understand how you feel. I really enjoy your blog! I am a stay at home mom who attempts to juggle a writing career among many other tasks, and it is quite helpful to hear your wisdom. Thank you!

    • Hey Heather! Golly…I’m so sorry I never replied to this! I’m getting ready to redesign my blog and was going through some old posts and ran across this. It’s so good to hear you can relate to the juggling!

  9. I just found your blog and am searching through it and came across this post. I so appreciate your candidness about your miscarriages. I have had 5 pregnancies and only one child. I sometimes think hope is lost to carry another one to term, but when I find stories like yours it gives me hope that I can be a mommy to another love of my life. I too lost one at 12 weeks after the baby stopped growing, that was probably the most difficult loss. Your boys are adorable! I hope that I have another boy (my hubs thinks we only miscarry girls, not sure how he came to that scientific conclusion) Anyhow, I really like your blog, I will be following!

    • You are so kind!!!! I am SO sorry about your miscarriages!!! I strongly believe that you will and can go on to have more. I have a friend that just had her 4th after 3 m/c in a row after 3 kids! So, unfortunatley, it happens alot, but we can go on!!! Brothers are awesome, so I hope you have a boy too :))) I’m SO glad you’re following! Find me on Facebook as well, so we can get to know each other there!

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